How to feel whole again

Posted by on September 7, 2018 • 3 minute read

It is no coincidence that when we feel deep emotional pain we describe it as if our very flesh has been torn apart, stabbed, broken, and left with gaping holes. When we attend to our emotional holes we can realign with the wholeness that is our natural state.

 

Heal the hole to make me whole

“It feels like I have a hole in my heart,” was how a friend described the way she felt after a breakup with a long time partner. Scars from past experiences can feel like holes in the fabric of our being. Destructive relationships leave us with wounds that make us think we are unloveable and not good enough. By attending to these wounds and letting go of the feelings associated with them we become whole again.

How to heal emotional pain

It is no coincidence that when we feel deep emotional pain we describe it as if our very flesh has been torn apart, stabbed, broken, and left with gaping holes. Emotional pain can feel as physically painful as, well, physical pain.

Two years ago I was going through a particularly trying time emotionally. Shape of Emotion was not even a figment of our imagination. I used conventional therapy and writing poetry to deal with my pain. I was feeling shredded and sore and reflected a great deal on the concept of being whole. I wrote many poems about having holes in my heart, chest, and soul. I wrote of ripped skin and torn limbs. It was murder by emotion.

Overcoming deep, intense emotional pain and healing

I fell apart for a while and languished in the self pity of my situation. As time passed, I got fed up with my scattered, ghost of a self and had a driving need to feel whole again. I just didn’t know how that was ever going to happen. I talked long, wet, heaving, circles around my poor, patient therapist. I plugged the holes with wads of words strung across my laptop screen. It took months and months and months. Just when I thought I was on the mend, another gaping hole opened and I was upended again. It took more time to work my way up and out of that one.

I am not saying that using Shape of Emotion would have been a miracle cure. I know that the grieving process is an important one. It has to be lived through and felt. I just think that had I had Shape of Emotion I would have had an additional tool to use to support me in my healing process.

I am whole, wholeness is who I am

I still bear the emotional scars from that and many other experiences in my life. I know that they are not who I am intrinsically. Getting hooked holds up a mirror to these holes that we hold onto. I attend to the holes as they surface by doing Shape of Emotion. By doing so I can realign with the wholeness that is my natural being. When I do this, I feel better about who I am and as a result I can relate better to others. By so doing I fulfil my human need to connect with other beings and find meaning in my life. Which brings me full circle to this poem that I wrote that long ago:

Whole

Whole
W hole
Empty?
Full?
Part of
The whole
And whole
Part of the w hole
And a w hole
See through me
To us
See through us
To me
Whole
W hole
W-h-o-l-e
In separation - sounds
Together - meaning

—17 August 2016

Shape of Emotion offers a way to heal those holes that pockmark the fabric of our lives, to stitch together the skin and allow us to feel whole again.

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"There is no remedy for love but to love more."<br/>—Henry David Thoreau
"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
—Henry David Thoreau
Chantal Dawtrey

Chantal loves to learn and loves to work with people who want to learn. She is the co-founder of 5th Place and co-creator of Shape of Emotion.

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